Minimal

Meccano bridges?!?

Don’t give me a replica — an exact replica — give me your interpretation. Show me how you see it. Sure, it’s modern, but is it art? I didn’t think so, although I appear to be in the minority. I love a good bit of engineering, but let’s not try to pass off someone else’s work as art of your own making.

The Baltic does, however, have some real plus points. “Dreamtime” by Jane and Louise Wilson — a short film capturing the moments leading up to three cosmonauts’ space flight — was delightful. According to the blurb, it “examines the way in which power — in this case, the political and technological power behind the international space programme — is manifested through architecture”. I just find everything about rockets awesome. Yes, I know it’s still just engineering, like the bridges, but at least the artists had a significant chunk of creative input here.

As for Alec Finlay’s recreation in dance of Archie Gemmill’s goal... it was... intriguing. In fact, I think I almost liked it. A little over-analysed in places, but overall I like the comparisons drawn between the beautiful game in its most flowing moments and the grace of a balletic dance. Finally, Julian Opie’s oversized outline drawings were... anatomically correct. ;) I missed out on the gongs and the flashing lights, but there should be something else replacing them soon.

Overall, I couldn’t help feeling a little underwhelmed. How people can compare it to the Tate Modern in London is beyond me — from what I can tell, there’s nothing like as much content. And that’s the nub of it. Quality over quantity is a fine ideal, but I wouldn’t mind a bit of both. Not only that, but when the average quality’s only ok, the venue is left wanting. At the end of the day, I can’t help feeling that the building itself and the footbridge to it are the real works of art and will continue to outshine the stuff inside.

Quickie Fringe review

Ash will have more detail in his up-coming Fringe diary, but for what it’s worth, here’s what I thought of what I saw:

• Charlie Chuck: mad as a hatter, though I do worry about his childhood. Good improv when things went pear-shaped and an impressive ability to play drums using fence posts.
• Nick Revel: died on his arse, poor chap.
• Peter Buckley Hill: mad as a hatter and instantly likeable. First time I’ve seen him, but hopefully won’t be the last.
• Josie Long(?): very good material, very natural comedian — generally just very good.
• Shakespeare for breakfast: nice panto rendition of Romeo & Juliet, complete with happy(!) ending. And a cup of tea and croissant, too! :)
• Lenny Beige: presenting the Pick of the Fringe show, this man was in his element. Wonderful stuff. Must see him if he pops into Newcastle.
• Spooks: decent comedy play, would make a good series on Radio 4, no doubt. Actually, despite the venue having the most uncomfortable seats in the whole of Edinburgh, I really enjoyed this.
• Gladiatrix: oh dear. A 20-minute show drawn out into an hour-long excuse for... something. The lad in it was its one redeeming feature, having enough natural comedy in him for whole show.*
• Richard Herring: superb. Ok, so I’m a fan anyway, but he always makes me laugh, even when being educational. Contribute to his show by taking the Talking Cock questionnaire then see it for yourself at the Live Theatre.
• Stewart Lee: excellent. An entertainingly-subdued tale of the owl, the pussy cat, Ray Winstone (Scum, Sexy Beast), and drinking with tramps at Glasgow Central.
• John Hegley: maniac poet, lived up to nearly all of my expectations, though his improv foundered a little and some material was fairly old.
• Tina C: decidedly mediocre. Would’ve been ok for 5 or 10 minutes at The Establishment, but an hour was way too long.
• Steve Nallon: impressions were a bit average at times (although Alan Bennett rocked), but told a fine story.
• Jeff Green: despite some fairly well-worked topics, this man had me in stitches. Anyone can tell jokes about childhood reminiscences and sleeping positions, but no-one else does it quite this well.

So, as you’d expect there was some good and some bad, but the good was very good indeed. I think I might just be back next year.

* I thought at the time he looked a little like someone I'd seen in a comedy pairing's poster design from a few months back. Scarily enough, I was right. He, James Bachman, is one half of Bachman & Evans and the poster in question was their Fringe poster. Even more scarily, he's the man behind the rather good gas giant blog, as linked from frownland. Small world, eh?

Fool!

Note to self: when setting up your web-based email account, remember to use a password you can at least guess.

Edinburgh, here we come!

Well, I’m off to the Fringe tomorrow and I can’t wait. I’ll be meeting up with Ash around 10pm and will spend the rest of the Bank Holiday weekend until the wee small hours of Tuesday morning having my sides split by one comedian after another. Charlie Chuck gets first crack of the whip before handing over to Lenny Beige, Bob Downe, Richard Herring, Stewart Lee, John Hegley, and many more. Expect some kind of report mid next week. :)

Boing!

You’re never too old for a bouncy castle. This one came courtesy of a workmate’s 24th birthday party. At just £60 for an evening’s hire, it’s surprisingly good value for money as well as being stupidly good fun. :)

Two hands on the wheel, please

I see the government’s thinking about banning the use of mobile phones while driving. Good stuff, says I — the one time I’ve done it myself (bad man), I was acutely aware of how compromised my control of the car was. If I’d needed to respond suddenly to a hazard in the road, I would’ve been stuffed. And the hazard would’ve been an ex-hazard.

Not surprisingly, the AA has given its usual knee-jerk reaction to the plans:

Bert Morris, the AA’s public policy manager said: “We cannot have a law banning the use of mobiles without one to ban eating, smoking, drinking, applying make-up or shaving for that matter.”

Well, Bert, you’re quite right. You might’ve thought you were pointing out how ridiculous a proposal it is, but I think you’ve got some bloody good ideas there. Nice one... you muppet. :)

Not in my back yard

I’m sick to death of reading about people putting the kibosh on new wind farm proposals on the tired old “eyesore” grounds. Especially so when the turbines in question are sited offshore. For god’s sake, would you prefer it if we stuck a dirty great coal-fired power station in your back yard? Or perhaps you’d rather suffer increasingly frequent brown-outs? No, I didn’t think so.

The facts of the matter are that wind turbines are not only an incredibly clean form of energy, they’re also one of the most attractive forms. These structures are actually quite elegant and rarely spoil a good view. What more could you want from 21st century energy production? Personally, I’m quite proud to live in an area that has a few and I wouldn’t object to a couple more in the field out the back of my house.

I remember when I lived in Seaton Sluice and people protested at the plans for a 9-turbine wind farm on Blyth pier, 3 miles up the coast. Somehow, these idiots had failed to notice the rest of the skyline into which they’d be blending: a huge coal-fired power station; massive storage buildings at Blyth port; the eight towers of the Alcan aluminium smelting factory; and Alcan’s own coal-fired power station. Thankfully, the scheme at Blyth went ahead despite the protests, but sense doesn’t always prevail. :(

Stirring passions

It’s the football season again and things inside me are stirring. Feelings that have lain dormant for the best part of 3 months are once again making their presence felt... and it feels GOOD. :) Traditions are being reenacted — the compulsory purchase of the latest True Faith and The Mag fanzines, swift pre-match pints in the Market Lane with my brother, laughing at the mackems, the almighty roar at kick-off that makes the hairs on your neck stand on end, the unbridled joy of another goal thumped home by Shearer — all of these things are what makes supporting Newcastle United so special.

This season promises to be a good one, too. The Champions’ League beckons, we’ve bought good young talent over the summer (although the departure of Sylvain Distin was a real bummer) and Sunderland are already facing relegation before they’ve kicked a ball. I can’t wait to see us give them a really good stuffing, and it seems I’m not the only one. Taken from the latest copy of True Faith, I think this sums it up for a lot of Geordies:

“But we owe the SMB — for me, our 1-0 win last season at the Hick-dome courtesy of Nikos’ goal wasn’t enough and left me strangely unsatisifed. A year ago, we met the SMB very early in the season and played them off the park, but they squeaked away from SJP with an undeserved point. We have battered them in years gone by at SJP, yet they have escaped either with a point or a narrow defeat. They need a hiding of historic proportions and I can say without fear of contradiction you all agree with me. Come on Bobby, come on Alan and all the players, give us what we want — you know it makes sense.”

Howay the lads! :)

You’re studying what?!?

I don’t remember this on my Physics syllabus at Durham University:

“By taking this course, I hope you'll learn from:

• applying physical principles to a real-world problem.
• figuring out how to build a better racing car than those guys at McLaren”

Yep, that’s right—they’re doing a Physics of Motorsport course. Had they done it in 1993, it might’ve even wrested me from the grasp of Computer Science. But probably not. ;)

Classless society?

There’s a lot of stuff in the news at the moment about missing schoolgirls Jessica Chapman and Holly Wells. In fact, there’s probably not been this much blanket coverage of a missing child story since that of Milly Dowler.

So, I ask myself, what was wrong with Amy Payne? And Hermelin Mavanga? And Robert Williams? They’ve all gone missing in the meantime, but where was the national press interest? Are they not middle-class enough to warrant “the biggest manhunt in history” (© Daily Mail)?

Call me cynical, but the media seem to report on only those things likely to generate substantial income. Perhaps Jessica and Holly simply fit the class profile of newspaper readers well enough to justify the daily front-page headlines.

Knowing me Mal Ross, knowing you Amazon Recommendations

A-ha!

I've just spent the last 15 minutes training an intelligent learning algorithm thing (I don't know the correct term). No, it's not part of my job, it's the DVD section of Amazon.co.uk's Your Recommendations feature. Starting off with about 10 titles it thought I might be interested in, I've repeatedly clicked Not Interested or Add to my Wishlist buttons and, frankly, it's getting pretty good. On my list now are the following:

• Memento
• The Man Who Wasn't There
• A.I. : Artificial Intelligence
• Brass Eye
• Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
• Amores Perros
• The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
• League of Gentlemen Series 2
• The Simpsons - Season 2 Box Set
• Massive Attack - Massive Attack

Not bad, not bad at all. Now all I need is a DVD player! :)

Bored

God, I’m bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. BORED. :(

Who’s sorry now?

News just in from the tragic irony department: Basic Instinct screenwriter discloses throat cancer, regrets portrayal of smoking. I suppose “serves you right” would be a little strong, but you get the idea.

Must-see TV

I may be no match for the omniscient TiVo, but I can pretty safely say that tonight sees the return of some must-see TV. If you’ve recently had to get your Peter Kay fix from the latest John Smith’s adverts, then the wait is over: Channel 4, 10:00pm, Phoenix Nights (series 2). If it’s anything like the first series, it’ll be an absolute cracker. :)

Made for me

What a discovery! The UK Television Advert Music Database looks like a site I’m going to visit again and again. First up is the Peugeot 307SW. You know, this could seriously impact on the number of CDs I find myself buying. :)

Nice weather, shame about the pollen

Apologies for the lack of updates, but summer colds combined with hayfever truly suck. :(

Music from car adverts, #2

Another stylish car advert, another beautiful bit of music. Last month it was Martin Grech & the Lexus SC430, this month it’s Aqualung & the New Beetle. Single comes out on the 16th September on the B-Unique label.