Minimal

When I lost malross.co.uk, I figured I would take it as an opportunity to reassess what I really wanted to write about — and, indeed, whether I wanted to write at all. As I tinker here and there, the latter is still undecided, but it's becoming clearer that if I do continue to blog, it'll be on subjects that I genuinely have a passion for and enjoy writing about. In short, there's no place in the world for this catch-all, diary-like blog any more. Instead, I'll probably be splitting my time between the following two sites:

Motors & Me (feed)

Originally called Petrolhead and hosted on malross.co.uk, I gave it up after failing to get past Round 3 of the Michelin Renault Scholarship. I now realise, however, that cars continue to be something that, even when feeling crap, I can get excited about. The only reason for the name change is that the Petrolhead name's already taken on blogspot. Still, I quite like my new design. :)

Minimal Cinema (feed)

In the final days of malross.co.uk, the short film reviews were probably the most frequently updated parts of the site. I still enjoy watching films and talking about them, so I'll probably keep going with this one. I just need a new design. Maybe once I've rounded off the rough edges on Motors & Me.

See you on the other side.

Anyone familiar with Windows will know that MS Paint, the free painting package that comes bundled with it, is pretty limited. It’s hardly Photoshop. In fact, it’s hardly 1/10th of Photoshop. However, as this video of an anime drawing shows, pretty much any tool can give amazing results when wielded by a master. This guy has the best grip on Bézier splines I’ve ever seen. Unreal.

Well, it was good, but not as good as Talking Cock. Definitely more consciously theatre — more a performance — than the male offering, too. And definitely more aimed at a single sex i.e. not mine. At times, it was funny; at times it was harrowing. At times touching; and at times proud. Most of the time, in fact, it was proud. As a male audience member, it almost felt exclusive at times, but to be honest, I don't begrudge it that.

Overall, I guess I’d hoped it would have the same blend of wit and educational value as Richard Herring’s alternative. It didn’t, but then it was a pretty tall order.

It must be about 3 or 4 years since I saw Richard Herring's Talking Cock at the Edinburgh Fringe. At the time, I told myself I'd have to go and see the Vagina Monologues at some point too. Finally, this Saturday, I'll get around to it. Fingers crossed it's as good as the male version. And no, I'm not just going to giggle at pictures of fannies. Well, I am, but not in a pervy way. ;)

A few weeks back, I said I might go offline for a short while, but would soon be back. Well, things didn't turn out as planned. Due to my inability to get a response from the (useless) company who registered malross.co.uk on my behalf, I elected to surrender the domain and re-register with another company.

The first half of that went swimmingly, but while waiting for confirmation that the surrender had gone through, someone else (a domain squatter, it seems) bought malross.co.uk. It's disappointing, but I knew it was a risk. Regardless, I'm now homeless and sleeping in a virtual cardboard box here on blogspot. Until, that is, I register www.therealmalross.co.uk or something of a similarly stupid ilk. Recommendations welcome.

In the meantime, I'd better get back to business here and start writing about stuff before I decide to give it up once and for all. Did I mention I went to watch a rally in the Lakes earlier this month...?

At long, long last, I’ve completed the main missions in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Judging by a semi-ancient post, it’s taken me over 2 years to do. Admittedly, there have been several long periods where I’ve not even touched it, but still... it must be some kind of record, no?

Yesterday, James and I spent the day blatting our cars round Cadwell Park and, despite a spin each, survived unscathed. All things considered, I reckon that’s a pretty good result. Here’s how it went...

First impressions

The first thing that struck me when we turned up was just how narrow the track was. The videos we’d watched on YouTube simply didn’t do it justice. It looked more like a kart track than a proper race track. The next surprise was finding out that we were using the full circuit, including the Woodland section under the trees. I knew this was a tight, twisty, undulating section of track, so the prospect of doing it in the wet with autumn leaves around was a daunting one.

Once the regulation safety briefing was out of the way, we got out on track for a few sighting laps behind a pace car. It was immediately apparent that learning the best lines was going to take a while. The Mini felt horribly twitchy and the blind crests and curved braking zones did nothing to settle my nerves. Hall Bends were bad enough, but the Gooseneck was another matter altogether. I really couldn’t predict how the car was going to react to my inputs. Scary stuff.

A lap of Cadwell

Once let loose proper, the picture started to come together a bit more. Hall Bends felt ok, provided I entered them on a line that let the car settle before making my first change of direction. The Hairpin and Barn were similarly manageable; while the car would understeer at the slightest provocation, gently lifting off would bring the nose back into line.

Coppice remained a test of nerves and I started the day entering it at just 60mph before slowing to around 50 for the following blind right-hander. My nerves were really getting the better of me there and backing off only made the car even less stable. Eventually, I’d learn that — and learn that I’d been taking too tight a line — and gain confidence, but it took a while.

Charlies presented little or no problem other than a disappointing entry speed and then we were on the back straight, reaching 100mph at the bottom of the hill. Despite keeping it floored in 4th gear, I didn’t manage to put on any further speed before reaching Park at the top of the hill. This was a fairly straightforward right-hander, but one around which the Mini wanted to swap ends (which it did on one occasion).

Next up was Chris Curve, a long sweeping right-hander not dissimilar to Hawthorn’s at Croft. Consequently, despite the high-stakes gamble of understeer near the track’s edge vs lift-off oversteer when I ran too wide, I actually felt reasonably comfortable on the run down to the Gooseneck.

Realising I could straight-line the braking zone helped a lot. Once into the Gooseneck, however, it was a different matter. It really felt like walking a tightrope. I was acutely aware of the Mini’s shifting weight while equally unsure of how much the camber could help or hurt me. I was well outside my comfort zone, but I gradually learned that the corner could help me and began to attack it more.

Mansfield, at the bottom of steep hill leading out of the Gooseneck was fairly simple. From there, all that remained was the left, right, up and over of the Mountain. Even at the low speeds I was doing, wheelspin was guaranteed over the crest unless you backed off at just the right time. I did have one major moment when the back end kicked out wide as I made the right turn, but overall, I was quite pleased at being able to control things.

Memories

There are a few things that will be abiding memories from this trackday. The first was just how greasy the track got. Mid-morning, a couple of rain showers made the track incredibly slippery in the tight and twisty Woodland section. We ended up tip-toeing round, barely able to touch the gas or the brakes. Or turn the steering wheel, for that matter. Turning in for the Hairpin, I kept on losing the back end of the car despite crawling at about 15mph. It was mental.

The second thing I’ll remember was getting to the point where I learnt to catch oversteering slides. When I lost the back end at Park, I’d made the schoolboy error of hitting the brakes. I knew I should have floored it to get the front wheels spinning and match the rear wheels’ lack of grip. I knew that stuff, but it wasn’t instinctive.

Later, after multiple oversteer moments in the Hairpin and Barn, I finally got it. Once again in the Hairpin, I’d entered with a little too much speed and the back end stepped out. I tentatively hit the gas and slowed the spin. I pressed a little more and was now just drifting round the corner. I held it for what felt like an eternity, managing the drift until the car finally settled down and I just drove away towards Barn. No tank-slappers, no fuss... but plenty of hootin’ and hollerin’ from me as I laughed like a maniac.

Finally, I’ll take away the memory of managing to turn into Coppice at 80mph. Earlier in the afternoon, I’d been treated to a passenger ride in a Lotus Elise 111R and been amazed at how well planted it felt. Where the Mini had been squirming around, the tail feeling heavy and threatening to spin, the Lotus just felt glued to the track. Its light weight (860kg vs 1140kg) and lower centre of gravity meant it was never fighting its own inertia.

Anyway, on seeing that its owner could fairly hurtle into Coppice at 80mph while I’d maxed out at about 70mph, I took it upon myself to match him. With an absence of further rain and with the cars clearing the worst of the track’s moisture, I gradually upped the pace in the Mini and matched the Lotus’s entry speed. What a thrill! Coming back into the paddock shortly afterwards, I was grinning like an idiot. That, I realised, is exactly why I pay daft money to do this kind of thing.

After an evening of great fun, terrible singing and much hilarity, I’m relieved to say that the money I spent on Singstar Legends wasn’t wasted. Granted, I had to get the beers in to loosen up, but once going, there was little that could stop Grant and me — we proceeded to murder song after song. ;)

I have to say, I now have a much greater respect for people who actually can sing. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I’ll bet our neighbours can testify to that too. It does help, however, to know the song inside out. Grant fairly excelled at Roxanne (not least due to his willingness to mock Sting’s screaming) while I felt most at home with Enjoy The Silence and This Charming Man.

The one let-down of the evening was the fact that one of the microphones simply stopped working. Bummer. That put a swift end to the duets and 2-player battles. Still, it was enough of a laugh in single player mode. We’re mostly still playing on the Easy level, but then our voices and abilities kind of demand it. Really, we need a detached house to make the most of it. Had we really gone for it, you can bet we’d have been slapped with an ASBO; although we would’ve improved much faster.

Anyway, if you’ve got a PS2 and don’t mind having a go at karaoke, I can highly recommend it. I maybe wouldn’t get Legends first, though — I only did so to try to entice my dad into playing (and failed). Something like the 80’s version looks much more singable for a 30-something. Speaking of which, I think I might just have to put that on my Amazon wishlist... :)

Earlier this year, I’d planned to move house to somewhere with a private garage so that I could take the next step on the sportscar ladder. I even had various bits of work done to the Mini to prepare it for sale, including the refitting of standard-issue run-flats. Given my subsequent failure to move, I’ve still got the Mini and the trackday hiatus has become too much to bear. In light of this, Friday 24th sees me heading off to Lincolnshire to take on the challenges of Cadwell Park.

The trackday will probably use the Club circuit, as the Woodland section will be treacherous at this time of year. (Track map nicked from www.msport-uk.com.)

I use the word “challenges” advisedly. Cadwell is often referred to as Britain’s mini-Nürburgring and for good reason. It’s a very narrow circuit, with lots of crests, swerves and alarmingly track-hugging Armco and tyre walls. Parts of the circuit are also underneath or close to trees, which should make it treacherous at this time of year. In fact, I’ll be surprised if we use that part of the circuit at all. One thing’s for certain — I’ll definitely be taking it easier than I have done on other trackdays. I just hope my bog-standard tyres and brakes are up to it.

So, it’s been almost 2 months since I saw Al Gore’s documentary and what have I done to make the planet a better place? Answer: not a lot. In fact, pretty much everything’s concentrated on reducing my petrol consumption. I now:

• walk into town instead of driving
• keep the revs down when driving i.e. drive normally ;)
• use the local Co-op instead of the Tesco 4 miles away
• lift-share on the way to work
• go to The Gate to watch films instead of Boldon

I even took the train to visit friends in York once. Beyond that, I’ve asked my landlord about switching to a green electricity supplier, but we’ve yet to make the change (my fault, not his). Oh, and I’ve holidayed in the UK rather than going abroad, but that was planned anyway.

On the bad side, I’ve yet to switch the Mini for something more fuel-efficient. Worse than that, though, I’ve booked myself on another trackday. Cue approx £150 of fuel being burnt in one go. I bet that easily cancels out every other saving I’ve made.

On the home front, I’ve not done anything to change to more energy-efficient appliances, but that’s really my landlord’s call. Given that I’m now planning to get a place of my own (that must be another environmental no-no), it would seem a bit much to ask him to get new gear only for me to leave.

In summary, then, I have done things that will help, but I reckon my overall footprint must still be as big as ever. In the coming year, I’ll try to stay away from flights abroad and I really must get rid of the Mini. Keep me honest, people.