Minimal

It’s been quite a while since I wrote a car review, so while my Mini’s in the bodyshop getting £635-worth of cat damage fixed, I may as well bore you to death with an opinion of my courtesy car. The car in question is a metallic blue Vauxhall Corsa ‘Design’. God help us all.

Performance

Right, let’s get this bit out of the way. It sucks.

It’s not the appallingly short gearing that’s the problem (45mph max in second). Nor is it the floaty, driving-a-water-bed ride. Rather, it’s the complete absence of feedback through the steering wheel, pedals and seat that ruin the driving experience. Small steering corrections appear to have no effect, while even significant changes of direction take a disconcerting length of time to be felt under-arse. Driving anywhere at more than 65mph becomes a very tense affair, with every turn of the wheel requiring a fresh leap of faith.

I suppose you could say the car rewards a slower, more fluid driving style. The truth is more the opposite — it simply punishes positive driving of any kind. Not nice.

Practicality

And so to the Corsa’s strength. A few months back, the pube-haired Jeremy Clarkson did 800 miles on one (large) tank of diesel in an Audi A8. Big deal. On my way back from Manchester this weekend, I’d like to think the Corsa bettered that. On the way down there, I maintained a fairly quick pace. By the time I arrived in Didsbury, 155 miles later, my full-to-the-brim tank was just less than half-full. Sensing a challenge, I aimed to get home without a further fuel stop. I made it easily — very easily.

Whereas a quarter tank saw around 70 miles on the way down, I managed 120 miles on the way back. That’s double the Mini’s fuel economy. In fact, had I started the return leg with a full tank, I could’ve done Didsbury to Newcastle, back to Didsbury and then back to Newcastle again without stopping once. Respect is due to the otherwise-crap Vauxhall.

In other areas of practicality, it’s a mixed bag. The power-steering is so soft, that it’s a piece of cake in Tesco’s car park. The boot, though not as big as my Puma’s, is just about big enough for a pair of compact suitcases (as demonstrated by my parents, now somewhere in Arizona). Finally, the driving position is somewhat hampered by a non-adjustable steering wheel and pedals with near-limitless travel.

Conclusion

Your mum would like it; I merely respect its frugality. Nuff said.